Drained: The Summary
My last blog post was... a week ago. I had many things to say during the absence, yet I didn't have the energy and time. Wonder, was it because day job already started? Navigating coworker relationship was hella draining.
I also felt fucking shitty. Whenever I wrote in Indonesian (because there's certain things that could only be expressed with Native Language thrashes), my mind would label me as the most horrible creature in existence. I was littering the Indonesian feed discovery, should've turn of the discovery. Or what's better, just ditch the blog altogether. Why are you even writing right now? My Intrusive Thoughts are Evil.
Okay, enough self-deprecating. Here's some compilation of thoughts...
- Smear campaign is scary. I watched NYC Roommate Drama commentaries on YouTube, girlboss gotta be backstabbing. In real life, I had witnessed similar circumstances with my coworkers (hence, it's sucks). Thankfully as the week passing by, my resentment already evaporated. I vented to my boyfriend about workplace politic, he agreed that said coworker dragging the morale down. It's not like my day job is perfect (so does my night job, freelance hell) but that senior often catastrophizing. Who knows who will she talk shit to.
- Another coworker, which is much younger than most but still older than me, pointed out that "Supportive environment won't be like this. Supportive environment will teach what's wrong instead of gossiping behind," Admittedly she's not local and can be seen as airhead. She talked about many things—I don't agree with, but what I mentioned before stood out the most. I support it wholeheartedly.
- What this "observant" coworker doesn't realize is my work persona is not my real self. I have two lives with contradicting value, it drives me nuts, so I need to put up a face. I'm not naive.
- Anyway, I have just finished freelance studio work yesterday. Marathon since Thursday, craazy. My weekend is robbed. I'm locked in during Saturday and Sunday. My work hours during freelance session is much much much worse than day job. Imagine, usually I came home before 2 pm for day job. Freelance projects though? Whole day. Thankfully I'm not the one facing the client. If it was me, I would say vile shit.
- Yet thanks to project which akin to endurance test, I get to binge-watch... vtubers. You said you're not into Japanese media? Listen. I had given up learning Japanese for few years, but then I randomly peeked an idol vlog. I could understand what happened, oddly satisfying. Recognizing words here and there. My desire for stimulating stuff started the fire, I asked my old friend to be conversation partner.
Interruption in middle of writing. Because it ruins my mood, also the battery for wireless keyboard is running out, imma yap more in another post.. Lastly, I'm gonna rage in Indonesian.
NGAPAIN MBG DATANG JANCOOOOOOKKKKKKKK, DIBILANG BULAN AGUSTUS JUGA MULAINYA. JANCOOOOKKKK